Scars
by izziesaurus
Summary: Illiana has gone through a lot. From her mother leaving, being bullied, and emotionally abused by her father. After her brother suddenly dies, her depression takes a turn for the worse. Family soon find out what was going on and send her to rehab. When she gets out, she moves to La Push with her cousin. Can one She wolf change how she feels about herself? Fem-slash Leah/OC
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N: There will be talk of eating disorders, self harm, and suicide. It could be triggering. **_

* * *

Seeing my cousin for the first time in over two years made me nervous. More for the fact that I just got out of rehab. As soon as I was released, I got onto a plane to Port Angeles, Washington. To my counselors advice, it would be best for me to stay far away from my father.

Since he is still drinking heavily and he was one of the triggers to things I did to harm myself. Being around him again may cause me to go back to my old ways, which was the last thing I wanted to do.

My cousin, Carmen Taylor, wasn't much older than me. She being twenty-two and I am twenty. We were _very_ close. Well, up until my mom left and everything fell apart. I was ashamed of what I was doing to myself. So, I pushed myself as far away as I could from everyone. That worried what family I had around since, my brother had just.. passed away.

The plane trip was tiring. It wasn't too long since I was already in California. I would of just drove to La Push, if I had a car. Before I boarded the plane, I was sure I wore something comfortable. A tank top, a cream colored _Pink _hoodie, jeans and black_ Toms_.

Every now and again, I would find myself pulling down my sleeves to the point where they almost covered my whole hand. No one needs to see the scars. I didn't want some stranger judging me.

One of the reasons I disliked being on this plane for as long as I had to be, it gave my thoughts time to wonder. They had a habit of going back to the past. A past I'd rather forget all about. Sadly, that will never happen. It will always haunt me and I'm not sure if anyone could change that.

My past was about as troubled as I think it could have been. When I was twelve, my mother walked out on us. Leaving us with no explanation or anything. She just got up one day while no one was home, (my dad being at work and my brother and I at school) got her stuff and left. To never be seen again. That's when it all started to tumble downhill. A few weeks after that, my father realized that she wasn't coming back. He started to drink, which I've never seen him do before. Now, looking back on it, there was probably a reason for that.

As time went on, his drinking only got worse and worse. When he got drunk, my father tended to get angry. Angry at us, well, mostly _me_. I look a lot like my mother and he couldn't stand that.. At first, the little rude insults he sent our way didn't really hurt. We knew he was hurt and didn't take it to heart. Although, one day, he started taking it much to far. When I was thirteen, I was a little bit bigger than most girls, I wasn't overweight. But, my dad liked to tell me I was. Which made me go on crazy diets until my brother, Erick, stopped me.

I was lucky to have Erick around, he was overprotective of me and would do his best to move those insults toward himself. I didn't realize it was really hurting him until it was much too late..

Without having my brother around to help me through it all, I fell into a deep depression. That still didn't stop my dad from attacking me. I just kept feeling worse about myself. For a while, I hated myself and believed every word he said.

So, I did what I thought was best. Which was self harm. I have scars on both wrist and my thighs. That wasn't all, I also had a really bad eating disorder. If it wasn't for my Aunt and Carmen coming over to visit without telling us, I would probably be dead right now. No matter how much that hurt to say it, it was true.


	2. Chapter 2

"You look so much better, Illiana!" My cousin, Carmen was beaming at me. She was gorgeous. Long black hair, seemingly flawless russet skin, and a small frame.

I smiled slightly. "Thanks."

"I bet you're so happy to finally be out of that place."

I shrugged while grabbing my bags with her helping. "Not really. There, I had people watching over me, making sure I had no slip ups. Here, I don't."

The expression that was now on my cousins face only meant one thing, I offended her. "Of course you do! I'm here, aren't I? I'm not letting you go back to that. You already got so far."

I sighed. "You're probably right. Its just hard. Thanks for letting me move in with you."

"Its no problem. Plus, I much rather you be with me than you know who. La Push will be the perfect place for you to get back into the real world."

We were in her car when I finally decided to get it off of my chest. "Carmen?"

She turned to look at me with a confused expression. "Yeah, what is it?"

I looked down at my hands that were gripping the ends of my hoodie. "I'm scared."

A frown was quickly on her face as she grabbed my left hand. "You are going to get through this. No matter what, I'm here and I am not about to let anything happen.. If I could, I would go back and fix everything. No one deserves to go through all that pain."

"I don't know." I sighed. "I just miss Erick."

She gently squeezed my hand. "I know. So do I."

It didn't take too long to get to La Push, which was covered in green. So much different than Oregon. That was probably a really good thing.

"There's a beach but, its usually much too cold to get in. Its nice to look at though."

That caused me to laugh slightly. "So, its more of a sight thing."

She smirked slightly. "Pretty much. Except this group of guys, no matter how cold it may be, they'll go cliff diving."

"Must be trill seekers." I muttered while gazing out the window.

Carmen scoffed. "I guess you could call it that. They only talk in their little group. Always acting like everyone else is inferior. Well, except for Embry, Jacob, and Quil. They are pretty nice kids."

I raised an eyebrow while moving my gaze over to Carmen. "Kids?"

She waved me off. "They aren't really kids. You know me, I call whoever is under eighteen a kid."

"Yeah, I know."

After I got myself settled in her small three bedroom house, I laid on my blow up mattress. (We had to use that until we go shopping with my savings account.) I don't know why but, I ended up pushing up my sleeves and gazing at my many scars that marred my skin. All these terrible thoughts started running through my head again. Not to hurt myself or anything. Just me wondering who in the hell would love someone like me? Wrists and thighs covered in scars?


	3. Chapter 3

Carmen decided that she was going to drag me to this party on the beach. I did my best to get out of it. By that I mean, I actually begged and laid on the floor, hoping that she'd just leave me there. She ended up dragging me to my room by my legs. Once she gets her mind set on something happening, its going to happen. I just hope she stays by my side like she promised. I wasn't sure if I was ready for this.

I didn't dress up to much, I don't see why I should anyways. Its not like I'm going there to get any friends. I changed into a maroon shirt, black jeans, vans, and a varsity jacket. The only reason I picked out that jacket is because its too long on my arms. That made me feel more secure. Just in case Carmen does leave me. I had a feeling she might. She's a very social person and I know she wouldn't do it on purpose.. But, still.

When we got to the beach, my anxiety was at all time high. I haven't been around anyone that hasn't known what has happened. I didn't know how to act. Plus, I had really weird feeling and I didn't like it. A huge part of me wanted to turn right back around and walk back. Although, I'd probably get really lost.

Carmen soon noticed someone waving her over. "I'll be right back. Stay right here."

I sighed. "Knew that would happen." I ended up sitting there for a few minutes until someone walked up to me.

"You must be new around here since, I've never seen you around."

Looking up, I found a tall but, lanky boy. "Yeah, I just moved in yesterday." My voice was suddenly so small and my hands gripped the edge of my jacket.

He smiled brightly and sat beside me. "Well, I'm Seth Clearwater. Nice to meet you."

I smiled back slightly. "I'm Illiana Torrez. Nice to meet you too."

"So, are you related to Carmen?"

Nodding I told him, "Yeah, she's my cousin."

I noticed him nodding beside me. "Well, you looked a bit lonely. So, I figured I'd join you."

"You're sweet. Thanks. Carmen said she wouldn't leave me but, there she went." I told Seth, feeling strangely better.

"She's always been pretty social. Her and my sister, Leah used to be pretty close."

That name did seem familiar. Carmen was always one to talk about her friends a lot.

"So," Seth brought me back out of my thoughts. "Where are you from?"

"Oh, I'm from Hillsboro, Oregon." I told him, last thing I was going to do is say where I've been living for the past two years.

"Cool. I hope this isn't weird of me asking but, are you Native American?"

"No, its not. I'm half."

Even though Seth was being really nice. I just didn't like being around all of the people. All of them kept looking at me and whispering to one another. Fear that they knew was I was hiding was too much so, I decided to walk back to Carmen's. Which probably wasn't the greatest idea. Since I've been here less than twenty four hours. I just.. I couldn't sit around with people starring at me, judging me.

As much as I wanted to pretend that everything was okay. That everything was fixed while I was in rehab, I couldn't. The issues that happened in the past have scarred me. Both emotionally and physically. I'll never be that same girl. I'm sure there will always been some underlying depression. Would I every be completely happy? I find that doubtful. Its only a matter of time before everyone sees through that fake smile.

Sure, going to rehab did help a lot. I'm on depression medication and stuff for my PTSD. That helped with the nightmares. It was the emotional damage. The fear of it all happening all over again in the future.

While I was deep in thought, I somehow managed to get myself lost.

"Well, fuck." I muttered and started looking for my phone. "I would get myself lost in a town I know nothing about."

The sound of leaves rustling caused me to quickly turn around. Only to find a girl my age. She was dressed in a tank top and cut off shorts, no shoes. Her black hair was cut at her chin, she was tall and obviously a Native American. Everything seemed normal about her. Well, other than the fact she wasn't wearing shoes and the way she was looking at me.

She quickly blinked and shrugged it off."Are you lost?"


	4. Chapter 4

I quickly shoved my hands into my jacket pockets. "Um, sort of?" I sighed. "I'm actually very lost."

She stiffly nodded, making me wonder if I did something wrong. "Where are you staying?"

"At Carmen Taylor's house." I muttered and began to follow her, staying a few feet behind her.

She nodded once again and kept walking.

Soon, we were in front of Carmen's house. I was glad someone had found me. I probably would of ended up in another town with my luck.

"Um, thanks for the help. I'm Illiana Torrez, by the way." I told her shifting nervously.

She was really pretty and for some reason, it made me feel a bit imitated. "I'm Leah." And with that she was gone.

Although, she never left my mind. For the rest of that night, I kept thinking about that short and quiet meeting. I have had feelings for girls in the past. It always happened at the worse times. Such as now. Even though I had only met Leah today and she barely said anything to me, I was developing a crush. When I really shouldn't.

I was still very much insecure with myself. It isn't as bad as it was before. Now that I know that there isn't anything wrong with my body type. There is nothing wrong with having curves. While I was in rehab, I made sure to work out regularly. I should keep up with that as soon as I find a gym.

When Carmen finally got home, she seemed to be very close to having a heart attack. "Thank God you're here! I looked all over the place for you, Illiana!"

I ran my hand through my hair nervously and bit my bottom lip. "Sorry.. I just got overwhelmed and I tried to walk home. This girl, Leah helped me find your house."

Carmen threw her hands up in the air dramatically. "Do you realize what could of happened to you? There are wild animal's in those woods! Damn it, you could of gotten hurt or worse, killed!"

My hands started to shake slightly and a nauseous feeling settled in my stomach. I was never good with yelling. "S-sorry. I wasn't thinking."

She quickly noticed how I was pulling my jacket tighter around myself and the way my hands were starting to shake.

"Oh, Illiana, I'm sorry." Carmen quickly pulled me into a hug. "I just get worried about you and forget about your Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I shouldn't of put you out in that situation so early. It was ignorant of me."

I pulled my arms around her. "Its okay. Its hard to understand something you haven't gone through yourself. Not trying to offend you."

As we pulled out of the hug, she shook her head. "No, you're completely right. I have no idea what you've gone through and are still going through. But, I'll do my best to understand."

For the rest of the night, we watched old Disney movies in the living room. It was the relaxation I needed after feeling all that anxiety. Carmen promised we'd go shopping tomorrow to get me things for my room and new clothes. It should be nice.


	5. Chapter 5

Shopping was fun but, it was also exhausting. We had to go a good amount away from La Push. The shops were great and I got a lot of stuff. Luckily, Carmen has a SUV. We actually managed to get me a bed too. Saying that, the car was overloaded with bags of stuff. Since I wasn't able to go back and get my old stuff.

I didn't want my old things. That held all those horrible memories. On my old bed, that's where I began to hurt myself. There were blood stains on old blankets. Rips in the pillow cases. Holes in the walls I put in them after having an attack. The mirror was broken from me punching it to get something sharp.

Having things from my past would only help tear me apart again. Bring back all the damage that I've had covered up. The one thing that would hurt the most is seeing my brothers old room. It was left untouched. Like he would just come back somehow. I wish that was true.

"Hey, Illiana. My mom is coming over for dinner tonight. She wants to see how you're doing."

I smiled slightly. "Okay. I've missed her."

My aunt, Trisha, was the one to take my mothers place. Well, once she found out what I was doing to myself. She was the most devastated. Aunt Trisha was hugging me so tight and I could feel her tears soaking through my shirt. My aunt was also one to cuss my dad out and force me to leave. She paid for me to go to rehab.

You're probably wondering how someone in La Push would be able to afford such things. Well, her and my mother's parents were great inventors. They invented many things, none that I can actually remember right now. So, my mother and aunt were given a really good amount of money. Which also went down to my brother, Carmen, my other cousin Chase who moved states away, and I.

We got home pretty late and as we walked through the door, we could already smell food. It was the type of food that my dad used to cook before everything went downhill. It was Puerto Rican food. (My dad was half Puerto Rican and half Italian.)

When we walked into the kitchen Aunt Trisha was quick to shove a drink in my hand. I knew it well, a Pina Colada. Around me I saw Empanadas (Fried Meat Pies), rice and beans, bread pudding, and baked banana's. All of my favorites.

"Did you do all of this?" I asked looking at all of the amazing food.

Trisha smiled. "Of course I did! I know you love these foods and probably didn't get them in Rehab. So, here you go!" She quickly looked me over. "You look great, Illiana!"

A small smile made its way onto my face. "Thank you." I found myself pulling my arms around her. "I missed you."

Her arms were quickly around me. "I missed you too. How are you feeling? I wasn't able to visit you for a little while."

"I'm okay. Still adjusting."

It wasn't until we started to eat, I decided to ask something that has been bothering me. "Have you heard from mom..? Or dad?"

The smile that was on my aunts face quickly fell. "Illiana, you don't need to worry about them. You know I haven't heard from her since she left for Italy years ago. Your father on the other hand, never liked me. So, no, I haven't heard from them."

I nodded and continued to finish my dinner. "I just wonder sometimes."

"I know you do."

Not long after dinner, Trisha went home and we went to our bedrooms. I tried to fall asleep. When I did, it wasn't what I was hoping for.

* * *

_I woke up in my old bedroom. Everything around me looked nice and clean, like I used to always have it. Feeling the need to go to the bathroom, I got up of the bed and walked into the hallway. There was a major feeling that this has already happened. _

_I lazily scratched the top of my head and wasn't paying much attention to anything. That is, until I stepped in something wet. My eyes widened as I saw that it was actually blood and it was coming from the bathroom. The bathroom door creaked open, to show my brother laying on the ground, blood pooling from his head and gun in hand. _

_A scream got caught in my throat as I backed into the hallway wall. Something wet started falling down my arms, making me look to see what it is. There was a knife in my hand and my wrists were bleeding. _


	6. Chapter 6

After having that horrible nightmare last night, I had to have a good day. Sitting in my room thinking about it all day wont help me any.

So, Carmen, who was the one to wake me, decided we should go out for the day. She wanted to spend as much time as she could before college classes started. We somehow ended up going to a tattoo place in Forks. I thought that a small town like this one wouldn't have one.

When I walked into the shop, I was shaking. Part of me afraid of the pain and the other part was afraid that I'd enjoy the pain.

"You're going to be fine, Illiana. You've been wanting this forever and now you're getting it. Be happy!" Carmen grinned trying to pump me up. "Its going to look amazing!"

Soon I was laying on my stomach, shirt off and getting 'Without struggle, there is no progress' tattooed onto my the right side of my upper back.

Honestly, listening to music helped and it wasn't that bad. I ended up falling in love with it when it was finished. It was beautiful and I was so happy I got it. Sure, only I would really see it but, it was only for me.

"I love it!" Carmen exclaimed. "It means a lot to you too, doesn't it?"

I nodded. "It does and I'm happy you made me go. Thanks."

A grin was quickly on her face. "Of course! Its what I'm here for. Are you planning on getting more?"

"I would like to but, it'll be a little while. I was actually thinking about getting one in memory of Erick. Not sure what but, I want something."

"That's sweet. Wanna go to the beach? We could just lay down on a blanket and chat. Or is your back too sore?"

I shook my head. "That sounds great. What if we get something to eat too?"

"Okay, cool."

After grabbing some Chinese food, we were off to the beach.

While Carmen and me were eating, a group of guys came to the beach, one of them coming over to us. I was quick to check that my sleeves were all the way down.

"Hey, Carmen! Who's the gorgeous girl that's with you?" One of them called out with a smirk making me blush.

She rolled her eyes. "Her name is Illiana Torrez and she's my cousin. Now that you know, go somewhere else, Paul."

"Aw, c'mon Carmen! I'm just being nice." Paul flashed a grin at me. His skin tone was a lot lighter than the rest of the boys that were on the beach and mine. "Its nice to finally meet you, Illiana. One of my friends can't stop thinking about you." A smirk was now on his face.

I could of sworn I heard a growl. "Back off, Paul."

My eyes trailed over to find the girl who helped me get home days ago, Leah. Having her being only feet away made me nervous. She was gorgeous and I couldn't deny the attraction I had to her.

What have I gotten myself into?

* * *

**_A/N: Sorry about not updating and the short chapter! I've been having major writers block and I got a job so, I'm pretty busy with that most of the time. I'll do my best to update again soon!_**


	7. Chapter 7

Its been a couple of weeks since that day on the beach. Carmen has went back to school and I've been alone most of the days. When she was home, she was studying. It made me wish I was in college like her. But, it wasn't my time.

So, I was on my own today and figured I'd get out of this house. After eating breakfast, taking my medication and showering, I got dressed. I picked out a North face hoodie, ripped jeans, and black toms. My hair was being terrible today, so I pulled it up into a high bun.

Since this town is very small, I decided to just go to the beach. It was a decently warm day, for La Push. So, I might as well enjoy it.

While driving to the beach, I found myself hoping that there would be no one there. Sadly, there was people. Most of the guys that were there last time and Leah. The feeling of nervousness and fear of them somehow finding out my secret took over. I ended up sitting as far as I could from them.

I laid out a blanket, put on some sunglasses and started listening to music from my iPod. After not having anyone bother me, I started to relax.

Would I ever get over my fear of my past being outed? Or the fear of being judged? I shouldn't care but, I obviously do. I don't want to be judged for something no one could understand. When everything happened, I felt hopeless, disgusting and scared. My best friend/brother was taken away from me and I was forced to stay with an emotionally abusive, alcoholic of a father.

My thoughts were interrupted when a shadow loomed over me, cutting off my ray of sunshine.

I pulled the sunglasses off and found out it was the Paul guy from before. "Um.. Hi?" I muttered as I sat up.

A smirk was quickly on his face and he sat in front of me in the sand. I was happy that he wasn't any closer. "Hey there, gorgeous. Why are you over here all by yourself?"

I pulled down my sleeves. "Um.. I wanted to be alone?"

"But, why? You're so sexy that you should be with someone. Are you with someone? Got a boyfriend?" He asked leaning closer.

A blush covered my cheeks as I leaned away from him. "Er.. No. I'm not with anyone."

Paul raised an eyebrow. "I find that hard to believe that you're single. Someone like you should have people lined up to be with you."

I bit my bottom lip feeling very nervous. "Thanks..?"

"Its not a problem, hot stuff." He started to move closer. "How about you and me do something tonight? How does a movie at my place sound?"

The blush got much warmer. "L-like a date?"

His smirk grew. "Exactly like a date."

My hands started to fiddle with the edges with my hoodie sleeves. "I.. um, see.. I don't exactly like erm, men?" I muttered looking at my hands.

"So, you like women?"

I nodded slowly, feeling nervous.

"That's hot."

"Fuck off, Paul. She obviously doesn't want you around her." Leah's voice made my head snap up to find her standing right beside Paul and hit him aside the head. Then she somehow made Paul leave.

"Sorry about him. Was he bothering you? I could kick his ass for that."

I found myself smiling. "No, its fine. Thanks for the offer though."

"So, why were you so nervous around him anyways? Girls usually love him." Leah muttered with a scoff, while sitting down.

The blush that just went away was quickly back. "Well, I'm not exactly into men. Romantically or.. You know, sexually."

She raised an eyebrow. "You're lesbian?"

I nodded.

"When did you know you were?" She asked seemingly curious. "What made you know?"

"I figured it out when I was fifteen. It was when I was in the girls locker room. I couldn't help but to look. Even though I knew it was wrong.." I really didn't know how it was so easy to talk to her. But, it was nice to not be scared to talk to someone other than family. "I might of known my whole life but, I just needed a little push to realize it."

"Did it take you a little while to you know.. Come out?" She asked with a slight frown.

Again, it was really weird for me to feel so at ease with someone. I was still gripping the edges of my hoodie but, I wasn't feeling like I was about to puke. "Well.. My brother knew before I said anything to him. So did most of my family. Then at school, some girl caught me staring repeatedly and I got outed. There wasn't much of a choice on my part."

Her frown deepened. "I didn't know you had a brother." She noted changing the subject.

That's when is started to get nervous. "Um.. Yeah. He was the oldest but, passed away a few years ago."

Suddenly, her arms were wrapped around me. I may be going to far with this but, I've never felt like this when anyone else has given me a hug. It was like I belonged here. I slowly hugged back breathing in her woodsy scent.


	8. Chapter 8

Carmen figured I needed a cell phone, for some reason. I didn't feel the need for one. Everyone I was close to was close to me. I could easily walk over and talk to them myself. So, why get a cell phone?

Sadly, I couldn't fight with Carmen. She had already got me a phone and she went all out as to getting me a iPhone. When I started playing with it, mostly to figure out how it worked, I found Leah's name in my contacts.

I raised an eyebrow and looked over at Carmen. "How did her number get in here?"

A smile was quickly on my cousins face. "I know you like her. So, why not? I even sent her a text for you already."

"Carmen!" I screamed and was about to get up to attack her. But, the beeping of my phone stopped me.

_**Me (The message Carmen sent):**_

_**Hey cutie. Its Illiana. I just got a new phone and thought I'd give you my number. I hope you text back soon (;**_

_**Leah: **_

_**Oh hey. How'd you get my number? Not that I don't want it. I'm just curious. **_

I sent Carmen a death glare before texting back.

_**Me: **_

_**Sorry about that first message. Carmen bought me the phone and sent that before giving it to me. I apologize if that weirded you out. **_

"I can't believe you did that, Carmen." I sighed, pulling a blanket tighter around my shoulders.

She rolled her eyes. "Because, you like the girl. I knew you wouldn't make any first move so, I did it for you."

I eyed her before shaking my head. "How do you even know she's interested in women? She could easily be straight and I'm not going there again."

"Not everyone is going to be like that bitch." Carmen hissed. "She was just some self absorbed person who loved having people chase after her. No matter the gender."

Back in high school, after I was outed, this girl Caroline started hanging around me. She seemed to like me, more than just friends. Caroline was a big flirt but, it wasn't long until I realized that I was being used. Sadly, it wasn't soon enough. I got very attached and it was really hard. It just made me very hesitant to get close like that to any girl.

Luckily, someone came along and showed me that not everyone was like Caroline. But, it didn't change that it happened.

Carmen's eyes softened on me. "Leah isn't like that. We might not be friends right now. That doesn't mean that I don't know her."

I looked away from her. "I don't think anyone would want to be with someone like me."

"Illiana, what do you mean by that?" Carmen asked, now sitting beside me.

"I'm not exactly.. normal. I have scars covering both my wrists and thighs. I'm on multiple medications.. I have nightmares and PTSD attacks. Its like.. I'm broken and will never be fixed." I muttered sinking further into the couch and blanket.

"No one sees it that way. You went through hell and your mind went into a dark place. But, you got better. You're a strong person. If you got through that, you can get through anything. Leah or any girl would be _extremely _lucky to have you."

I leaned onto her shoulder and she rubbed my arm to calm me down. A beep came from my phone, it actually surprised me.

_**Leah: **_

_**Its fine. Anyways, I was just wondering, would you like to hang out sometime? This time it can be planned. Maybe a movie or something? **_

"Oh my God. She's asking you out! I had no idea it would happen this quickly!"

I sighed. "I'm sure she's not asking me out. She just wants to hang out."

Carmen laughed slightly. "Here, I will ease your questions." She quickly texted Leah before I could even realize what she was doing.

_**Me (actually Carmen): **_

_**Are we talking a date or just a hang out day?**_

I said nothing this time. Mostly because, I wanted to know. If it was a date, I'm not entirely sure what I'd do.

I haven't been on a date since before everything fell apart. Even before then, I was terrible at seeing small things like this one. I had always needed the person I was with to be very blunt. So there was never any misunderstanding. Even though I had a pretty big crush on Leah, I wasn't sure if I would be comfortable. I'm still hiding a good part of myself. What would she do when she found out?

_**Leah: **_

_**Actually, yeah. Is that okay with you?**_


	9. Chapter 9

"Say yes, Illiana!" Carmen screeched while almost pushing me off the couch with her excitement.

I sighed while still staring at the text message.

_**Me:  
Alright. If you really want to. When?**_

Carmen grinned at me. "I'm glad you're giving it a chance. I know you've been feeling a bit lonely since I started college and all."

I shook my head. "Don't feel bad about doing something with your life. I'm not going to be the one to hold you back."

My cousin opened her mouth to reply but, quickly closed it when my phone beeped.

_**Leah:**_

_**Of course I do. I wouldn't of asked if I didn't want to.  
How about tomorrow around twelve? Or will you be busy at that time?**_

I sighed already feeling insanely nervous.

Was it right for me to go into this date without telling her everything? Should I stand by and let someone possibly grow feelings for me, while lying about a big part of who I am?

That wasn't who I am though. I'm not my addiction, right? Although, I am fragile from it.

_**Me:**_

_**That's fine. I'm afraid that you may have to come get me. I don't have a car to drive anywhere.**_

* * *

Before I knew it, it was the next day and Carmen was throwing outfits for me to try on for the date.

"You need to hot but, casual Don't wanna look like you're trying to hard. So, no dresses or skirts!" Carmen called from my closet.

I rolled my eyes. "I don't know why you're telling me. You are picking it out, obviously."

"You should wear red. It goes well with your skin tone." She muttered from the foot of my bed, which I was laying on.

She threw some clothes on top to me. "Get ready! She's going to be here soon and I still have to do your make up!"

I sighed and started getting ready as Carmen left the room. She had picked me out a dark red long sleeved v-neck, black jeans, a cute pair of black ankle boots.

She also laid out some silver hoop earrings, a matching locket necklace and a small chained clutch.

As soon as I opened the bedroom door, Carmen was pulling me into a chair. My hair was left down, eyes were done in a smoky fashion and red lipstick.

The doorbell rang, making me jump and Carmen grin.

"She's here."


	10. Chapter 10

My nerves were at an all time high when the door was opened. I slowly walked over and Leah's eyes were quickly on me, a smile on her lips.

"Take care of my cousin, Leah." Carmen told Leah sternly.

"You don't need to worry about that. I won't let anything happen to her." She replied honestly.

My cousin nodded slightly, then turned to me to pull me into a hug. "It'll be fine. Have fun for once."

* * *

We ended up at the beach. Leah had brought a blanket for just to sit on and lunch. It was sweet and she looked great. Instead of the usual, tank and shorts, she had on a white v-neck, a red plaid shirt over it and skinny jeans. Also, she actually had on shoes, flat sole boots to be correct.

I was about to do something that I never wanted to have to do. It was just my mind was screaming at me that it wasn't fair. She had to know what she was getting herself into before this got any further. It would be wrong of me to let this go on any longer. I could not lie to someone and then wait until they get more emotionally involved to say something. It would be so wrong.

I just wasn't entirely sure of _how _to do this.

"Are you okay?" Leah asked looking at me worriedly. "Maybe I shouldn't of asked so soon for a date."

"Its not that. I promise." I nodded slightly. "I meant it when I said yes."

"Okay, good to know. Then, what's the matter." She asked while slowly reached out, soon she was grabbing my hand.

If I wasn't so nervous about what I was about to tell her, I'd be smiling. I took a deep breath before nervously averting my eyes for a moment. "I just feel the need to tell you some things about my past, before either one of us get.. Well, emotionally involved, I guess. It just feels wrong for you to not know and be asking me out on dates."

"You don't have to tell me anything that you don't want to." Leah told me softly.

I met her eyes and shook my head. "Its what I feel is the right thing to do.."

She squeezed my hand gently before moving closer. "Okay. If you want me to know."

All I did was nod before asking, "You remember what I told you about my brother?"

"Yeah, you said he passed away a few years ago."

I took another deep breath. "He committed suicide."

Shock was clear on Leah's face but, I quickly decided to keep going before I got overly emotional.

"After my mother left, years before that happened, my dad started drinking. Which, in turn, made him begin to emotionally abuse us. Erik, my brother, took most of it for me. I guess it just got to him one day and he couldn't handle it anymore. I was the one to find him."

I paused to blink away tears that were threatening to spill out of my eyes. "Once Erik was gone, there was no protecting me from my dad. I began to understand why Erik did what he did. The emotional pain got to be too much and my father's constant talk of how disgustingly fat I was.."

I shook my head and didn't give Leah a chance to say anything. It was time to drop the big news. "I started doing things I shouldn't of. I felt the need to.. to do something to make me feel better. So, I started not eating right first and developed an eating disorder Even that didn't seem to be enough to please my father." I was started to get much too choked up to even explain much more. "I ended up in rehab for two years for an eating disorder and self harm. I just got out a few weeks ago and moved here."

Leah grabbed my other hand. "Is that why you're always gripping the edges of your sleeves?"

I nodded while looking down at my lap, tears finally falling down.

"Hey." Her hands left mine and were placed on my cheeks. Leah's eyes were on mine as her thumbs wiped away the tears. "Its okay. No one is judging you."

"I'm not normal, Leah. You deserve someone who doesn't carry so much baggage."

She shook my head. "Illiana, you are amazing for getting through all of that. You went through hell and someone _normal _would not even compare to you." She took a deep breath. "Can I see them?"

I was shocked she even wanted to but, nodded.

Leah slowly and gently pushed up my sleeves, showing the multiple scars on both wrists. What she did next shocked me, in a good way. She brought her lips to kiss my scars. My sleeves were gently pulled back down.

But, when our eyes met, I couldn't help but lean in for a kiss. She made me feel so much better with kisses on my horrid scars. Leah knows about my past and did no judging. That's exactly what I needed.


	11. Chapter 11

_**A/N: I may be updating more now (but, I am starting college). Since the story is starting to pick up. Now, just because Illiana told Leah about her past doesn't mean she won't still struggle with it. There are many surprises still in store. I hope you all enjoyed the last chapter and I hope you enjoy this one too.**_

* * *

Leah and I were now walking up and down the beach. I would have been barefooted and walked near the water but, Leah let me know quickly that it would be freezing. But, as I was holding her hand, I noticed that she was much warmer than I was. I didn't ask why though, it was up to her if she thought it was something I needed to know.

"I'm glad you trust me enough to tell me all of that." Leah told me with a slight smile.

I nodded. "It actually feels better to have someone know and not have to hide all the time."

* * *

It soon got time for Leah to take me home. I found myself not wanting to go but, Leah had things she needed to do.

"Thank you for listening to me." I muttered with a small smile.

Leah smiled slightly while shaking her head. "No, thank you for letting me." Her hand moved to tilt my head up before she left a small kiss on my lips before leaving.

As soon as I opened the front door, Carmen was there. I knew that she was watching through window by the smile that was on her face.

"I see that it went well."

I smiled. "It really did. I kind of told her about everything."

Carmen's eyes grew wide. "You did? And she took it well?"

"Yeah, she really did. I just couldn't sit there and not let her know before emotions got even more involved."

"It's good that you did what you felt was the right thing to do. I'm proud of you, Illiana." Her smile grew a big wider. "I'm glad things are starting to look up for you."

"Me too."

"Oh! Chase is coming back to stay for a few weeks. He graduated last semester and when mom told him that you were here, he had to visit us. It's okay if he stays with us, right?" Carmen asked as she went into the kitchen to grab us drinks while I sat on the couch.

"It's fine. No reason to ask me permission, Carmen." I told her with a small smile.

She shrugged as she fell onto the couch. "I just want to make sure you are comfortable here."

"I am and thank you for caring so much." I muttered while slipping off my shoes.

I was really excited to see Chase. He was my older cousin. We were really close and when Erik passed away, he was quick to always be there for me. I wish I let him be there for me more.

* * *

"Illiana, guess who!"

I was half asleep at the moment so, I just rolled over. But, whoever it was started to shake me.

"C'mon, I haven't seen you in forever, Starr!"

That woke me up. No one else called me by my middle name but, Chase. "Chase? Why are you here so early?"

A grin was quick on his face. "Because, I missed you so much!"

I sat up, still sleepy and looked over at my alarm. "You couldn't wait until nine? You missed me so much that you decided to wake me up at three am?"

"Yeah, pretty much. Just give me a hug and I'll let you sleep."

I gave him a hug; he gave me a soft squeeze before getting up.

"Sleep well, Starr."


End file.
